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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23951671">The Whopper Fic</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/datleggy/pseuds/datleggy'>datleggy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Buck takes care of everyone, Drunk!Lena, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Eddie wonders why the hell they aren't, Gen, Lena thinks Buck and Eddie are dating, M/M, Whopper Fic, drunk!eddie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:42:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23951671</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/datleggy/pseuds/datleggy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wait, what?” Lena quints. “Wait, you guys aren’t dating? Seriously?”</p>
<p>Eddie leans forward, his hot breath on the back of Buck’s neck. “Wait yeah, why not?” he asks, almost pitifully.</p>
<p>Thankfully they’re rolling up to a red light, because it gives Buck the opportunity to turn around and gently shove Eddie back into his seat and make sure his seat belt is still secured. “Well, for one, now I know you’d break up with me for a whopper.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Lena Bosko &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>789</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Whopper Fic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie invites Bosko out on a rare night off, for drinks. “Apology drinks,” he reassures her, “For being such a crappy friend, before.”</p>
<p>They start the night off drinking beers and playing pool in a seedy little bar downtown and inevitably when Lena orders a shot of tequila and downs it like it’s water, Eddie says, “Jesus, how can you still drink that stuff?” He hasn’t done tequila shots since his early twenties, which is just fine with him.  </p>
<p>She calls him a baby for drinking lite beer, “C'mon Diaz, neither of us have work tomorrow, your kid’s at your aunt’s place for the night, live a little, a couple of shots won’t kill you, you know.”</p>
<p>Which is how they end up getting trashed, just absolutely irrevocably shit faced at nearly three AM on a Monday, of all days, in a twenty four hour Burger King by the bar that closed and consequently kicked them out not ten minutes ago.</p>
<p>“Machines are down right now, sorry,” the cashier says, when Eddie tries to order a meal, “Cash only.”</p>
<p>Eddie drunkenly stumbles to the side, raising a ‘wait’ finger as he empties the contents of his pockets onto a small table. “Shit.” he mutters. He doesn’t have any cash on him, only his debit card, and if he weren’t so drunk, he’d have noticed that there’s a functioning ATM right outside. Instead, he gathers up the measly coins on the table and counts. “I have twenty eight cents. Is that enough?”</p>
<p>Lena snorts, “Enough for what?”</p>
<p>Eddie whines, “I just really want a whopper.”</p>
<p>The other firefighter grins, wide. “Hey, I’ll getcha a whopper,” she says, leaning against the table for balance, <em>god</em>, she’s drunk. “But only if you fake break up with your boyfriend.” she dares him, surprised when Eddie doesn’t even hesitate. </p>
<p>The screen is a blur, so it’s a good thing he’s got Buck on speed dial or he’s not sure he would’ve been able to make the call. It rings only once before Buck answers it, sounding not entirely awake, but definitely alarmed. “Eddie? What’s wrong? Are you ok?”</p>
<p>“Buuuuck!” Eddie’s so happy to hear his voice. He loves Buck’s voice. “Hey.” Lena is giggling next to him, like a middle-schooler, nudging at him.</p>
<p>Buck sighs on the other end, though when he speaks it’s with a begrudging fondness, “Eddie, are you drunk? It’s like three in the morning.”</p>
<p>“Nooooo.” Eddie laughs. “No, no, m'not drunk, I just, I needed to tell you something.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh. What is it?” comes the deadpan reply.</p>
<p>“I forgot. Wait,” Eddie turns to Bosko and not so quietly whispers at her, “What was I supposed to do again?” he waits for her response, which Buck can just barely make out through the phone, and then says, “Oh ok, ok, Buck, Buck, you there?”</p>
<p>“Yeah bud, I’m here,” Buck yawns. He’s got work in a few hours, he should really hang up and get back to sleep already, but he doesn’t think he’s ever heard Eddie this intoxicated before, and he kind of wants to see how this plays out.</p>
<p>“We gotta break up.” Eddie blurts out. “I’m sorry, I’m still really in love with you though, I swear. But Bosko has my whopper.”</p>
<p>Buck stares at his phone for half a second, “Uh, ok, well, we’re—we’re not dating?” Why is he even trying to reason with a drunk person? “Anyway, is Bosko at least more sober than you? How are you two getting home?”</p>
<p>Eddie sounds like he’s chewing on something when he says, “No, hahaha, she is—she just tripped on her way to the bathroom and face planted. I wish I caught it on video but every time I look at my screen it’s just like, super blurry Buck.”</p>
<p>Buck sighs. “Where are you guys? I’ll come pick you up.”</p>
<p>“Burger King!” Eddie sounds like a kid who raised his hand in class and shouted the answer to a question correctly before being picked on by the teacher.</p>
<p>“Which one?”</p>
<p>“It’s got, it’s got like, the, that creepy life size inflatable thing outside?”</p>
<p>Buck chuckles. “Oh, that one. Gotcha. Alright. I’ll be there in fifteen, maybe twenty minutes, please stay put, ok? Both of you.”</p>
<p>“Ok. Love you, bye.”</p>
<p>Buck doesn’t have time to come up with a retort to that before Eddie hangs up. And he certainly doesn’t have time to lay in bed and question any of that conversation, either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                                            ———————————</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Traffic is none existent, fortunately, and Buck’s Jeep is parked outside of the Burger King in under the allotted time. Eddie and Lena are sitting on the curb when he arrives. “It’s Buck! Buck! See, I told you he was coming.” Eddie exclaims, with a told you so attitude.</p>
<p>Buck makes them both sit in the back and buckles them into their seats. “But I called shotgun!” Bosko complains, folding her arms over her chest.</p>
<p>“No, I did!” Eddie whines.</p>
<p>“Well I don’t want either of you barfing in my front seat, so suck it up.” Buck starts his car after getting Lena’s address and putting the coordinates into his GPS.</p>
<p>“So, so—” Lena hiccups. “Is this the first time you’ve had to pick your boyfriend up from,” she pauses to laugh, “From a Burger King, at three AM?”</p>
<p>Buck raises both eyebrows. “He’s not my boyfriend.”</p>
<p>“Wait, what?” Lena quints. “Wait, you guys aren’t dating? <em>Seriously</em>?”</p>
<p>Eddie leans forward, his hot breath on the back of Buck’s neck. “Wait yeah, why not?” he asks, almost pitifully.</p>
<p>Thankfully they’re rolling up to a red light, because it gives Buck the opportunity to turn around and gently shove Eddie back into his seat and make sure his seat belt is still secured. “Well, for one, now I know you’d break up with me for a whopper.” He turns back around when the light turns green and drives. “And I’m the one who should be asking the questions here, what are you doing out this late? And where’s Christopher, doesn’t he have school in a few hours. It’s Monday.”</p>
<p>Eddie pouts. “Chris is with my Tia Peppa. And hey, it was a <em>fake </em>breakup! I was hungry.”</p>
<p>Bosko starts cackling. “Ok, are you guys <em>sure </em>you’re not together, though? Because, Buckley, you’re like, all this guy talked about when I was at your station. And, and remember that time—we were at the grocery store? Diaz was all 'hey you deadbeat baby daddy, our kid misses you!’? If you two aren’t dating what was <em>that </em>all about?”</p>
<p>Eddie groans, turning a bright red and tries to hide his face behind his hands.</p>
<p>Buck can only thank the lord that they’ve finally reached their first destination of the night. “Alright, c'mon,” he helps Lena out, steadying her when she sways. Buck points a finger at Eddie, “<em>Stay</em>. I’ll be right back. And don’t touch anything.”</p>
<p>Buck makes sure Lena gets inside safe and sound, and even grabs a bottle of water out of her fridge and makes her drink at least a third before leaving her to her own devices.</p>
<p>Eddie’s asleep in the backseat by the time Buck returns, and remains that way the rest of the ride back to Buck’s loft. He’d take Eddie to his place, but it’s nearing four now and Buck just wants to go back to sleep in his own bed for a couple of more hours before his shift in the morning. Eddie can take his couch for tonight, he decides. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>                                            ————————————</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s impossible to get Eddie to wake up once they’re in his driveway, at least, not fully. Buck has to practically carry Eddie inside, what with his feet dragging behind him. “God, Eddie.” Buck huffs out, “You’re lucky I lift weights, you’re not exactly light.”</p>
<p>Getting Eddie into the loft and then across his kitchen and living room and finally laying him down on his sofa takes forever, because Eddie insists that they need to stop by the kitchen for some strawberry milk. “I know you have some of that Nesquick powder stuff!” he groggily complains, even as Buck unceremoniously tosses him onto the couch.</p>
<p>Buck makes Eddie sit up just enough so that he can help him gulp down a bottle of Gatorade. “Trust me, you’ll want electrolytes tomorrow morning way more than you want strawberry milk right now, bud.” he assures him, getting up to fetch him some covers. </p>
<p>Eddie curls up on his side, snuggling into the blanket Buck wraps around him, and sighs contentedly. “Buck you’re the <em>best</em>.”</p>
<p>“If I’m late tomorrow I’m telling Bobby it was all your fault.” Buck is finding it very hard not to think of Eddie right now as endearing, hair all tousled back like that, big brown eyes staring up at him. He bends down so that he’s not hovering over him anymore and adjusts one of the throw pillows so that it’s actually under Eddie’s head and not just to the side of it.</p>
<p>“Buck, I mean it.” Eddie blinks at him. “You’re the best. I love you so much. We should—” he stops to admire Buck for a moment, “You’re so pretty, Buck, we should, we should be boyfriends.”</p>
<p>Buck rolls his eyes, though he can’t help the dopey smile on his face. “Ask me again when you’re sober.”</p>
<p>“Ok. And then we can be boyfriends?”</p>
<p>Buck shrugs, still smiling. “Only if you promise not to trade me for another whopper. Now go to sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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